In my fortune cookie...

Make TODAY beautiful because yesterday is already gone and tomorrow hasn't arrived yet!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Friend

I hear your pain, I feel that tear....

Feelings. Raw emotions. Hearts aching. Questions of if the hurdle will ever be crossed.

It's sad really....but right now I can name quite a few people that I'm friends with that are going thru the above words. And I ache for them and wish I could fix everything. But I can't. 

But you know what I CAN do? I can talk to my Friend about it all. You see, my Friend is the best Friend anyone can have. He's not biased......He loves everybody. He's not critical........He cares about even the smallest thing. He doesn't fault me for having a hurting heart when I'm talking to Him about my friends' hurting hearts........because He himself had a hurting heart.  He doesn't get upset at me for crying over a friend's pain.........He himself cried for His dear friends. He doesn't care when I say I just don't understand why my hurting friends are going through stuff when they've already been through so much.....He himself asked His Father why He'd been forsaken.

How comforting to have a Friend such as He! He's been there!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

This is what happens!

See what happens when you post the "important" stuff in your life on facebook? Lol! You go MONTHS without posting on your blog. And most likely everyone has given up on me and decided to quit reading this. So........I'm just posting for me tonight. Cause I feel like typing.

It's been a rough few weeks. Needless to say, I'm not even able to sleep on my own anymore. Sad really. But I'm doing my best to breathe and keep focusing on the positives like I've tried to do throughout my life.

The most positive thing right now is that FINALLY.....after over a month........everything in the house is finished (except my closet). Termite ppl are coming out tomorrow to get started on the external situations and then we are slotted for Dec to get the place tented. Not really looking forward to moving family, dogs, fish, food and plant (yes single, lone, plant) out for a couple days..but I will do what is needed. Especially when we are just getting settled into the newly remodeled place after dealing with a "nice" water leak and massive amounts of termite damage (yea, like almost falling thru my closet into the bathroom type termite damage)....but's OK! At least we will be at "peace" knowing the little buggers are deceased. Because just this past week...guess what I found coming out of my new bathroom ceiling????!!!! Yup! Those lil buggers had already begun to eat away. Stanky lil things.

Another positive is that the littlest of the clan made it thru strep and mono quicker than what the doc figured and is doing fantabulous.......AND........none of the other family members got it. And I'm really grateful for that. It was rough watching someone so little endure mono. Ugh. And to top it all off.....they are enjoying piano, tap, kinder dance, ballet and a few other things that I can never remember. Lol!

The oldest two in the clan are doing well in thespians and have tried out for the school's musical drama that will be going on this year. (Of which they are really excited) And Jellybug was told by the tryout teacher today that she had a beautiful voice. She came home pretty stoked about that. The oldest has been walking around for days singing and walking like the tin man and scarecrow due to the fact that he was trying out for both said parts. :)

The middle two are recent members in the school band and I've been enjoying hearing our very own Squidward practice an "E", "C", and "D", and the other middle one learn the same keys on the trumpet. I'm proud of ALL of our kids and am so excited at how they have adapted to a new school and how God has blessed them with many talents and abilities. It's so exciting to watch them grow.

Sometimes in life it seems as if the other things, the more pronounced things in fact, are handed to ya quicker than what ya feel is doable. This has been the way of it recently And I've been reading allot of quotes and verses on uplifting the heart and how God "has our backs". One thing I know for certain....I'm a blessed woman with a hubby who does his best, kids that mean the world to me and make me laugh, a home to take shelter in from the weather and even from the "fears", food to nibble at, a vehicle that gets me where I need to go, clothes to cover me, books to read (wait....I don't have time to read books!), a computer to get on whenever I feel like rambling, and on and on the list goes!!! Blessed!!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Hug!!

There are so many types of hugs out there, aren't there? I mean, you have your socially acceptable hugs....the "unfeeling" have those "family hugs".... you have the been-away-from-you-for-so-long hug-that-I'm-never-letting-you-go-hug...and the list goes on and on. :)

But have you ever gotten a hug that just seemed to heal all the hurts and sorrows right away? I've gotten some of those and they are some of the best. But the greatest hug I have ever received was the one I got last night. It was not a good fact I was hurting pretty badly. Yeah...I'm not one to post about that stuff so lets get on to the point. Laying in bed I was praying and asking God to help me cause I wanted to let everything go and just sleep. And yet it wouldn't leave. All I wanted was that hug.....that "I'm going to take your pain and hold you until it's gone" hug. But everyone was asleep.

I'm not a "wallow in my misery" type person and yet the shadow of pain was hanging onto me pretty thick. So I did what I've been told all my life I could do.....ask God to be that friend that would step in and ease the pain. Sure I've always prayed for God to be with me and to help in circumstances or situations and I'm proof that God does exactly that. But this time I said, God, I'm aching right now and there's no one to ease that ache and I just don't feel I can take any more of it. All I want is a hug and yet there's no one here to hug me. I feel like I just want to lay down on Your lap and have Your hand on my head, patting me like a little girl.....telling me it will be ok. God, will You please hug me?

As soon as I had prayed this, I literally felt this warmth go across me and it was as if my heart had been pulled out of my chest, dipped in Christ's love and returned to me. I immediately relaxed and that's the last thing I remember. I can honestly say....I got a "God hug" last night. And it is a moment I will cherish forever. Maybe it means nothing to you....and maybe you scoff as you read this.....but I will hold onto this and thank God that He cares about the little girl in me that just wanted a heal-me-hug last night and for the fact that I didn't have to beg and plead for it.....He simply gave.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Baby or Dentist? BABY!!!

I'm sure you gathered by that title that I just endured a trip to the dentist! And yes....even after having 5 kids....I'd still rather have more and more babies than go to another dentist. Pretty sad to admit...but it's the truth. Unfortunately I was "blessed" with the inability to get numb by dentists and so any work done is a true ordeal of which I dread. The last few times I've went to the dentist my blood pressure went up to 136/120 because of my nerves and it sent them into a tizzy. Lol! So, here's a  retelling of the last few days for ya to laugh at.

Aside from not being able to get numb, I've also been "blessed" with very soft teeth and out of the 32 teeth I'm supposed to have...I only have 9 left on the bottom and 13 on top. 3 of those missing got pulled yesterday. NOT a good experience. I informed this new dentist that I was going to try the free Valium offered in hopes of keeping my nerves calm so my blood pressure didn't sky rocket because of the inability of dentists to numb me and no, I didn't want the laughing gas due to the extra cost of $55. He looked at me (sweet man, really) and said, Well honey, I'm going to give you the laughing gas for free cause I can see you're nervous and don't you worry a bit about me not being able to get you numb cause I've been doing this for over 20 years and have never had a problem numbing anyone.

Bahahahaha! Funny.....I've heard those words so many times. He gives me the pill, the gas and the shots, walks out and 5 minutes later comes back. "You feel ok, honey?" Yea. "Are you numb?" Just my right side. " should be numb on each side the same. I'm going to give you another shot." (At which he proceeds to do and walks out again. Comes back in a few minutes) "You are numb the same on each side now right?" No. "Well let's start working and we'll see how it goes."

He starts on the right side. I feel it. Not badly...but enough that I flinched. "Ok, I'm going to give you some more Novocaine." He waits for a little bit and then goes back to the pulling out of 2 teeth on the right side. I didn't mind the pain as it was only a smidge. And then he goes for the left side. I jerked so bad from the pain that I came up off the chair, tears rolled down my face and his hand flew out of my mouth and he proclaimed, "I've NEVER had this happen before, honey, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to do because I've already given you 7 shots." He and his assistant talked and he said the only thing he could do now was put me to sleep but since I'd eaten (to prevent upset stomach from the pill) he couldn't do it and that tooth had to come out. He gave me 2 more shots right into the broken tooth and then went for it. I was crying by this time and gripping the arms of the chair so hard that by the time he was done my hands were molded into the shape of the arm and the dental assistant was crying, too. They both apologized profusely and she went to get Troll out of the waiting room. By the time he got back there I was shaking so bad I could barely hold the cup she'd given me to take some Motrin with. The dentist came back in and apologized over and over and told Troll he felt awful and maybe he'd been cocky because he hears people tell him all the time that they can't be numbed and he's always succeeded. The assistant was still crying as she apologized, too, and said she'd never seen that happen to this dentist.

By the time I got home, my face was twice it's normal size and I hurt SO badly. (And dentists always ask me why I wait so long before I get work done. HA!!! I wonder why??) Next day I get up, throbbing head, aching face and feeling pretty low down yucky. I managed to get the kids to school and came home and fell into bed. I wake up around 11 to the phone ringing. I hear this man on the answering machine saying that he was "such and such" from Troll's work place calling about his injury. WHAT????? Naturally I freak out. I tried calling Troll. No answer. I tried calling his work and get the automated list of which button to push for which division. Then my phone starts beeping in a call from Troll. What happened? Where are you? Are you ok?

He was fine and on his way home. Something had broke and fell on him and because of it he had to go to ER for an xray. Just a sprain...nothing broken....and the doctor said he couldn't go back to work until Friday. Shew!! Yup, I had some tears flying down my face cause it's not the greatest thing to get woken up by a voice asking for your husband who had had an injury at work and you don't know what the injury is or when it happened or where he is! Lol!

And top the day off....I go to walk into our kitchen (which is tile flooring) and stepped into a pile of water that our Great Dane had let spill out of her massive mouth and lips while drinking and I went down in a heap. More tears went flying as I bent my wrist backwards and did a most un-ladylike twisted split. Troll, who was sleeping on the couch from the effects of his medicine, came flying up like a mad man saying, "Bob!! What are you doing? You ok?" What was I supposed to say......I'm mopping up this puddle of dog drool with my backside? LOL!!!

Today we are sore but alive!!! And aside from the inch long gash I have on the left side of my mouth, the fact that I am tired of eating mashed potatoes, pudding and yogurt.........I'm happy and content!! And Jelly informed me last night that its high time she gets bubble wrap and puts her parents in it! :)

Friday, March 7, 2014

Overflowing rivers of JOY!!!

Is it even worth an apology? You know....the fact that its been almost a year since I blogged! Lol! To quote my new favorite's strangely odd and oddly strange (at which Troll chirps in "and weird, too"!).

Joy. What best describes it? Ha! Can we actually describe it? Sure, our dear Mr. Webster has a definition for joy that says something like this...."pleasurable feelings or emotions caused by success, good fortune, and the like, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire"....and yet....I'm finding that my joy today is actually quite indescribable. (I don't even know if THAT is a word!)

Overflowing bubbles of pure, childlike, delight that keep zinging through my heart and soul with face lifting, giggle encouraging, God-praising energy! Does that even give you the SLIGHTEST hint of how I feel?

So what's got me all hilariously "joyed-up"??? He's going home!!! My sweet brother in law who was admitted to the hospital 34 days ago is going home!!!!!! On Feb 2nd he went to hospital with a persistent headache and loss of vision in one eye. They found he was bleeding behind the eye and within (what seemed like) minutes came back with the diagnosis. Smack....right across all of the family's faces. That dreaded word that NO ONE wants to hear. Cancer. Acute Myloid Leukemia. (spelling might be wrong) WHAT? HOW? WHY? He was admitted on the spot with his blood count being that of a dead person basically.

Being over 1,000 miles away from our family when we received the call left us devastated and reeling. How in the world were we going to leave campus when we were in the midst of quite a busy season? Should Troll just go? Should all of us go? If we all go, where is the $ coming from and who is going to take over our responsibilities?

Numb and heart's breaking, we cried and prayed while trying to figure what we should do....knowing we desperately wanted to be with our family. Within an hour our answer was handed to us in a white envelope from the ppl on campus who had heard and generously given to help all of us get up north, AND volunteered their services to pick up the slack while we were gone for an undetermined amount of time. (To all of those people, we are truly grateful and ask that God blesses you over and abundantly more than you will ever know!!)

We drove the miles with aching hearts not knowing what we would find or hear upon arriving at the cancer hospital.  One of the older kids cried herself to sleep and another one sang until he couldn't sing anymore. The raw emotion in that van was heart-wrenching and yet we felt God's hand upon us with each mile that flew by.

We got to spend a week with our family, visiting at the hospital, spending nights there, trying to give as much love and support we could while knowing in the back of our minds it would soon be time to go home. And let me tell you brother in law is one of the strongest men that I know. No whining and growling (unless it was because we wouldn't let him have a Filet o' Fish from McD's), no throwing fits about why did it have to be him at such a young age with a family to care for....only positive thoughts and comments. I admire that and respect him all the more for this. Sure, there was pain from the side effects of the chemo and moments of frustration when it didn't seem like levels were going to come up, but for the most part....nothing but positive.

Leaving to come home was probably close the top of my list of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's one thing to be an hour's quite another to be over 1,000 miles away and not know what is going to happen.  The feeling was horrible. Like we were doing something dreadfully wrong. And yet we knew we had to get back because of school, church and work.

Over these past weeks of being home, we've been encouraged over and over with the phone calls between the brothers about how this level is going up and that level is doing better and this is better and that is better. Prayers pouring like unset Jell-O, fingers crossed, hopes and wishes maxed out.....we finally got the message today from our sister in law............. "HE'S COMING HOME! I'm leaving soon and bringing my man HOME!" And immediately those indescribable rivers of JOY started to trickle and then burst forth like the mighty Niagra Falls was in our hearts!! Should I cry? Should I laugh? Hey....why not do both?!!!! LOL! (yea..I did!) When he went in his blood was showing 90% of it had leukemia blasts. Today his blood shows ZERO!! They still have to do a bone marrow biopsy and he will have to have blood drawn every week but who cares!!! HE'S GOING HOME!!! To walk in his door for the first time in 34 days and hug his wife and babies close that he loves so much! God is good...........all the time!

Rivers of overflowing JOY!!!!!!! :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy Mothers's Day!!


That first little flutter of movement that lets you know your life is about to change..... what an indescribable moment. Your heart beats a little bit faster as your mind says, "was that just my imagination or was that really the baby?". Then the flutter happens again and your heart just smiles. I've been blessed to experience that first little flutter 5 times and I must say....I will never forget it.

Time goes on and those flutters become movements strong enough that daddy can feel them. And then strong enough that your pushing back at that protruding elbow or foot to try to get a little bit of breathing room. Lol!! I well remember those times of thinking surely the "offending" limb was going to pop right out of my stomach!

Then the moment when you hear that first little cry as the doc lays the precious bundle of joy up on your chest so mommy gets the first chance to meet him/her! Course mommy has already created such a sweet bond with the little person as she's carried him/her for the past 9 months. Tears. Smiles. More tears.....and then those precious words of "hey little one...I'm your mommy...welcome to the family". Again...I will say how blessed I am as a mom to have been able to carry and give birth to 5 wonderful little people that are still making me cry and smile.....sometimes both at the same time as their humor and sarcasm has strengthened beyond anyone's imagination. (to the point where I'm wondering if Depends might be in my near future!!! Lol!!)

God blessed me with children...but God has also blessed me with a caring, compassionate mother that would give me her last penny if she thought it would help. I'm thankful He has also blessed me by allowing me to still have her in my life...that just knowing she's there if I need her is something I'm not going to take for granted as I know there are allot of people and friends in my life that no longer have their mother. Have we always gotten along? Of course not!! We ARE human after all with two very different opinions! Lol!! But I won't be guilty of being unthankful for who she is as a person or for taking her for granted by thinking she will always be there. You look back on times when you probably didn't recognize that sacrifices being made...but now as a see exactly what was happening. Many times mom sacrificed for us kids and I'm thankful for that. There were many times Mom and I would laugh til it hurt....and I would know what to say to get her to laugh harder and that always made me feel like I'd conquered the world. There were allot of times I watched quietly while mom would pinch and scrape to throw a meal together out of nothing and there was no complaint from her....THANK YOU for that as I've had allot of those times as a mom myself when I stood in the pantry and wondered what I was going to feed my family. She taught me a good work ethic, how to make others feel appreciated by going above and beyond, and how to cook, garden, can, sew and take care of kids. Thank-you, Marmaduke, for all did/do as a mom. I love you!!
My mom, Jo, or affectionately called (by me) Marmaduke!
My mom-in-law, Alesa aka.......Wheezer.
God also gave me a mom-in-law! What do ya know about that! Lol!! I've heard horror stories from other people on how tough it was to deal with the mother in law and how much trauma was brought on the family. Yeah, we've had our moments....cause again....we're are two separate individuals with separate ideas. BUT...I can honestly say that I have a good relationship with my mom-in-law and I'm thankful for that. We've had our bumps and stumbles cause after all...I "took" her baby! Lol!! My parents always taught us to respect people. I've learned that with respect comes trust...and with trust comes love. Maybe at first I was looked at as the "woman who stole my son" (come on you mom's out there who have had that thought that no one is good enough for your little boy!) but I feel I'm looked at now as "the woman who gave birth to my wonderful grandkids that I love very much and who has made my son a better man" (those words were spoken by her...not don't fear I'm being proud!) LOL. We recently had the fun of having Wheezer in our home for a week and let me tell was full of many laughs as she took out her teeth for the grandkids, was tormented over how gullible she is and laughed at for how long she wanted to sleep in the mornings when our family is usually up and at em between 6-8 a.m. (I'm sure she ended up going home and sleeping a full week to recoop!!) I'm very thankful for my mom-in-law cause were it not for her...I'd not have the wonderful hubby that I'm married to. both the women in my life....who are my "mom 1" and "mom 2"....thank-you for what you did and have done to better MY life and the lives of my family! Happiest of Mother's Days to you both. If it were possible...I'd make you both the best meal you've ever had and the prettiest cake you could ever dream of. But I guess since that isn't will just have to accept my cyber hugs and kisses and thanks! Love you!!

Sunday, May 5, 2013


I must start this post with a warning. :) Gotta love that, don't ya? Well...the warning is basically one of this....I had a reminder from God last night that brought pain to the extent that I've been very weepy and yet I've been extremely grateful for how He lets the Holy Spirit bring these important reprimands. So with that in mind, please don't think for one moment that I'm posting this on here to get compliments or praise...I'm posting it only because it is a release to type and brings praise to God for His help in my life.

Due to all of our pianists now back in their Northern dwellings...I've been put in the spot (much to my dislike). I love to play in our home as part of my devotions as I often feel the closest to God at those times. Unfortunately as a child I didn't want to keep up with the lessons and practice and after a couple months I gave up and what I know is what I've taught myself by listening to other people. I play in the keys of C, F and G and that's my limit. Lol! So basically...playing in church is a struggle for me. Troll told me when I started to play for church that I was to just pick the songs so I could play them. I've always considered the song service a serious part of the service and so I've done my best to always take time to pray about it to see what I feel impressed to pick.

Well yesterday was a pretty busy day and through the working and cooking and etc...I wasn't feeling any leading as far as songs were concerned. As I got into bed and laid there for who knows how long...I was feeling pretty frustrated. Now as most of you women know...the female mind tends to just go a million miles an hour when we are supposed to be sleeping, right? And mine was no exception. Here and there and everywhere it seemed to go and I was like, seriously...what is wrong with me? Why can't I get the direction that I need to go as far as songs go for church tomorrow. And then my mind started down a road I've been on before. "Why couldn't I have been more like my brother who plays so very well and had such a devotion to learning? If I had been more willing to take lessons and be like him I wouldn't be stressing out over these songs cause I would be able to play in every key and therefore wouldn't be laying here a mess!!" Unfortunately the road didn't stop there and it went on to "why can't I be a better kid's worker like some dear people I know so that kid's church is better" and "why couldn't I be a better people person like Troll and Jelly are"? Why, why, why?

And then God stepped in. Gwen, are you doing the best you can in every area of your life that I have given you? Well yes!! I try my best to give 100% best in everything I do but if I could play like this one or that one I could do a better job in church. Gwen, I have given you the talents that you have and therefore you need to stop worrying about what YOU think you should be and keep doing your best at doing what I have given to you. Because it's not about's about ME and what I feel is best for you. You are always praying that I help you be better as a mother, wife, Christian and that's good but then you want to add that you're not satisfied with the talents I've given you because you don't feel they are good enough?

Oh my. Tears immediately came as I realized I'd been doing exactly what I've preached over and over to my kids NOT to do. Only I didn't realize it to that extent. I'm always telling them to be content with what you have and as long as you do your best that's all that matters. And I've done my best to be thankful and happy with everything in my life except this area. In my praying and wishing I was better, I was taking the talent that God had given me and not appreciating it. This was a disappointment to me in that I'd not realized what I was doing sooner. But in saying that...I once again want to say that I'm so thankful that God is a tender Father and He bring reprimand in such a gentle, compassionate way. I'm thankful that He doesn't do this to cause hurt and pain (even though that does happen sometimes) but to help us to grow stronger in Him and rely more on His divine plan for our lives.

With tearful heart yet triumphant soul....I'm happy in HIS service!!!