Is it even worth an apology? You know....the fact that its been almost a year since I blogged! Lol! To quote my new favorite saying....it's strangely odd and oddly strange (at which Troll chirps in "and weird, too"!).
Joy. What best describes it? Ha! Can we actually describe it? Sure, our dear Mr. Webster has a definition for joy that says something like this...."pleasurable feelings or emotions caused by success, good fortune, and the like, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire"....and yet....I'm finding that my joy today is actually quite indescribable. (I don't even know if THAT is a word!)
Overflowing bubbles of pure, childlike, delight that keep zinging through my heart and soul with face lifting, giggle encouraging, God-praising energy! Does that even give you the SLIGHTEST hint of how I feel?
So what's got me all hilariously "joyed-up"??? He's going home!!! My sweet brother in law who was admitted to the hospital 34 days ago is going home!!!!!! On Feb 2nd he went to hospital with a persistent headache and loss of vision in one eye. They found he was bleeding behind the eye and within (what seemed like) minutes came back with the diagnosis. Smack....right across all of the family's faces. That dreaded word that NO ONE wants to hear. Cancer. Acute Myloid Leukemia. (spelling might be wrong) WHAT? HOW? WHY? He was admitted on the spot with his blood count being that of a dead person basically.
Being over 1,000 miles away from our family when we received the call left us devastated and reeling. How in the world were we going to leave campus when we were in the midst of quite a busy season? Should Troll just go? Should all of us go? If we all go, where is the $ coming from and who is going to take over our responsibilities?
Numb and heart's breaking, we cried and prayed while trying to figure what we should do....knowing we desperately wanted to be with our family. Within an hour our answer was handed to us in a white envelope from the ppl on campus who had heard and generously given to help all of us get up north, AND volunteered their services to pick up the slack while we were gone for an undetermined amount of time. (To all of those people, we are truly grateful and ask that God blesses you over and abundantly more than you will ever know!!)
We drove the miles with aching hearts not knowing what we would find or hear upon arriving at the cancer hospital. One of the older kids cried herself to sleep and another one sang until he couldn't sing anymore. The raw emotion in that van was heart-wrenching and yet we felt God's hand upon us with each mile that flew by.
We got to spend a week with our family, visiting at the hospital, spending nights there, trying to give as much love and support we could while knowing in the back of our minds it would soon be time to go home. And let me tell you what....my brother in law is one of the strongest men that I know. No whining and growling (unless it was because we wouldn't let him have a Filet o' Fish from McD's), no throwing fits about why did it have to be him at such a young age with a family to care for....only positive thoughts and comments. I admire that and respect him all the more for this. Sure, there was pain from the side effects of the chemo and moments of frustration when it didn't seem like levels were going to come up, but for the most part....nothing but positive.
Leaving to come home was probably close the top of my list of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's one thing to be an hour away....it's quite another to be over 1,000 miles away and not know what is going to happen. The feeling was horrible. Like we were doing something dreadfully wrong. And yet we knew we had to get back because of school, church and work.
Over these past weeks of being home, we've been encouraged over and over with the phone calls between the brothers about how this level is going up and that level is doing better and this is better and that is better. Prayers pouring like unset Jell-O, fingers crossed, hopes and wishes maxed out.....we finally got the message today from our sister in law............. "HE'S COMING HOME! I'm leaving soon and bringing my man HOME!" And immediately those indescribable rivers of JOY started to trickle and then burst forth like the mighty Niagra Falls was in our hearts!! Should I cry? Should I laugh? Hey....why not do both?!!!! LOL! (yea..I did!) When he went in his blood was showing 90% of it had leukemia blasts. Today his blood shows ZERO!! They still have to do a bone marrow biopsy and he will have to have blood drawn every week but who cares!!! HE'S GOING HOME!!! To walk in his door for the first time in 34 days and hug his wife and babies close that he loves so much! God is good...........all the time!
Rivers of overflowing JOY!!!!!!! :)