The pits!

Alright! I'm gona have to admit it...I feel like the pits today. Sure that's a glorified pic of what normally is referred to as "the pits" but I put it on there for a reason. My reason? No matter how rough it gets...there is always something good about what surrounds the pit.

I'm gona have to admit to being ultra human today in that I don't know what the good is that is surrounding that pit! lol! That is something I don't like to admit to. I like to be tough. In control. Not given to tears. (yes, yes..all you ppl that just gasped and said there was nothing wrong with crying...I KNOW there is nothing wrong with crying. And even when I do cry... I just don't like it.) But today I've not seen the bright side. Even though I worked hard at being positive and telling myself not to cry cause God would show us in HIS time.....I've not had a good day. True, I didn't cry (that is...until I got to church and I got the thumb in my back to testify) and was doing pretty good at staying in control (on the outside)....but on the inside I was suffocating.

So why did I have such a rough day? You know...in all honesty...I don't know why today was so rough. I get so aggravated that I get low cause ultimately I KNOW that God will work things out. But today I couldn't conquer the sadness and hurt inside. The kids and I do a good job I think. We are a good team and do our best without Troll here. Some ask what the big deal is. Well...in many aspects I'm a single mom. Troll gets one day off a week. Some still say, So, that's no big deal. Well true...its not really. But the thing of it is that the other days he doesn't come home. Its an hour and 20 min drive or so to where he works so he stays up thru the week at a friends house. So the night before the day that he has off he comes home after work. Which ranges anywhere from 11:30 p.m. to 1:10 a.m. (depending on how late they work/cleanup). Don't get me wrong...we are both so very thankful for him having a job. Its just hard not being able to be a family. Eth and Beeps cry allot more over things than they used to and I know its cause they miss their daddy. Thankfully the oldest three can cope better and they are a huge help to me.

And there you have it....my whine for the day. :) I don't mean to complain or gripe about our circumstances. It's life. I just felt like telling you (the poor ppl that read this post) a rambling tale of how I felt today, how much I miss my hubby, how much I dislike being daddy/mommy and how I know that tomorrow will be better :)

I will do my best to not post like this again!! Lol!!!
Nite all!